Lately I have not been posting on my website, however, I still have been MaxinoutNBlackinout’. The reason for my not posting as often on this website is simply due to struggles that I am facing in real life. Since I have opened up before about depression and anxiety (Battling with Loneliness and “Let Me Tell You a Little Bit about Depression), I am going to once again.
Here we go again;
I haven’t been able to function for the last 6 months due to crippling anxiety and depression. Sometime it is so bad that I cannot get out of bed, and am having trouble getting to class and the gym due to self-consciousness and a lack of confidence that resulted from my anxiety and depression/ MTHFR Mutation Enzyme Disorder. Sometimes everything is so overwhelming that I cannot function and often feel that I am a lesser human being that others, and I simply sometimes do not have the motivation to move forward. The world is so hard and difficult, however, the only thing that can drag me out of this hole is, ME. So anyone struggling like me, get the proper help you need like I have, but know that ultimately it is up to you to beat whatever you are facing. I dug myself a hole, and getting pulled out by somebody, or getting help, will not help me understand how to get out of the hole since I was helped. However, if I crawl out of the hole by myself, I would have learned how to get out and would know not to fall back into the hole. So, I have stayed climbing.
I battle my issues everyday, and more content including motivation, mental health, clothing, and workout related posts will surface soon now that I am back at writing. I needed a break, but I am back.
I will beat these diseases, and to all struggling, do not give up.
This is a short post updating the website. The last few months have been extremely difficult for me personally, and this has helped shaped my ideas for what I am going to deliver content wise with MaxinoutNBlackinout LLC. I am going to be writing about one or two posts a month, one regarding mental health and the other regarding lifting. In addition, much more clothes such as hoodies, joggers, leggings, and more will be coming out as well.
For some of us, going to the gym is an escape from reality. To others, it is training for a sport, a method to stay in shape, or a method to get into shape. But, the horrible grip of self-consciousness grasps some of us, and prevents us to go to the gym due to self-consciousness, and I have struggled with this before as well. Self-consciousness is a serious issue that can affect your mental health, physical health, and your gains. I have been battling self-consciousness my whole life, and here is my advice regarding self-consciousness and the gym; Just GO.
Self-Consciousness devours my mindset as I constantly compare my physique or strength or vascularity or speed or hops to other athletes’ abilities. This trumps my motivation to go to the gym as I constantly do not feel good enough or begin to feel weak or out of place. I feel as if everybody notices the gains that I have lost or the gains that I have not yet achieved. However, this is NOT how one can think. Constantly comparing oneself to another is a death wish as we can never be anybody but ourselves, so there simply is no point in comparison to others.
The only comparison you need is to yourself and what you used to be. Track your gains and strength, and this noticeable improvement if tracked ( improve through progressive overload in the gym) will help improve one’s self confidence.
You can never compare yourself to others or sell yourself short; and it is imperative that you do not let the feeling of others or social anxiety affect your ability to workout or lift. You just have to put your head down and keep going and realize that the gym needs to be a place of escape for us; not a place of mental stress. Do not be afraid to work out just because others are in different physical shape than us. Focus on you and becoming a better person, and soon that self-consciousness about going to the gym will turn to confidence.
After months and months of hard work and almost a year after maxinoutnblackinout.com was born, On July 19th, 2018, Maxinoutnblackinout officially became a recognizable business by the State of New York, and is officially termed: “MaxinoutNBlackinout LLC.”
This is a gigantic step forward in the movement that I am trying to create. So let me reiterate: What it is next?
Moving Forward: Moving forward, Maxinoutnblackinout is evolving into an ideology and movement, and is beginning to represent more than balancing hard work with partying. It is becoming a representation of something much larger. Maxinout’ no longer simply stands for lifting and fitness/health related issues; It has evolved into a representation of responsibility and how to be responsible and balance things together. Such things I am adding to the website include articles related to Mental Health, Anxiety, Depression, and Suicide. I will discuss personal issues, delve into topics about balancing and handling and dealing with these issues, and I will stand up for all the people who cannot stand yet. Moving forward I am going to continue to write about this as it is not spoken about enough and is a huge issue. Fitness related, moving forward, I plan to begin to write workout programs specified for each individual at a cost related to the type of program. No, I am not certified quite yet, but I know what I’m talking about and I think I might know a little more than the personal trainer with a dad bod who lets his clients half rep less than 100 lbs on the bench press. So, I am adding this to the site in order to help people out at a cheap price. Additionally I want people knowing that we as humans need to be responsible for ourselves and our own actions, and that we need to be the best person that we can be.
Moving Forward: Blackinout’ no longer simply just represents having a balanced amount of fun after you finish all of your responsibilities. It also evolved into a mindset associated with staying positive and avoiding blackinout’ at times, because sometimes human beings, myself included, can have too much fun, and it is a reminder to stay aware of what you are doing, and making sure you stay positive in life. It DOES NOT ENGOURAGE BINGE DRINKING, it instead is meant to encourage people to BE THEMSELVES and stay true to who they are, and additionally to remind everyone that its okay to let loose once in a while. Be human.
But, be a human who maxes out and blacks out properly.
Join the family and get yourself some MaxinoutNBlackinout LLC clothing or gear, via online by PayPal or in person via Cash, Check, or an online phone app payment like Venmo, Google Pay, Cashapp, etc.
This topic is both maxinoutnblackinout related and mental health related. It is about anxiety and the gym, and specifically when your anxiety can prevent you from going to the gym. Lets get into it.
Now, usually, going to the gym is a huge cure for anxiety, stress, and other issues such as a hangover or possibly depression. However, as a powerlifter, powerlifting sometimes becomes so rigid within the programming that going to the gym, performing exercises and doing prescribed sets that you cannot choose every single workout of the week; it starts to become stressful on your body and mind.
You feel like you can’t enjoy the simplistic love you have for the gym because you cannot do what exercises you want.
This builds anxiety, and I’m not talking about the type of anxiety that somebody can get from taking an anatomy and physiology test. I’m talking about the kind of anxiety that can truly cripple you and fuck you up, like it has to me. It makes it hard to get out of bed, you develop social anxiety and don’t want to leave the house. It’s horrible and you feel so guilty for being afraid to get to the place you’re supposed to love, but, the anxiety is just too crippling that you can’t find the energy within you to do a single thing. Its difficult.
How do we deal with this?
Coming from someone who deals with this type of anxiety on a regular basis and has been throughout what I have described above, I can tell you that even though the anxiety is so crippling, it is simple to conquer, you just need courage.
You need courage to not be afraid to express yourself and get back into the gym. Who cares if you lost or gained weight or strength. You’ll get it back. Do not let yourself get in a rut. Get up, breath, be calm and know you’re the shit, and get your ass to the gym.
That’s what I do, I tell myself to breathe, to move, and I think about the pump I am about to get and think about how at peace I feel at the gym, and I am able to move forward.
Have the strength inside of you to be you and get back to the gym if crippling anxiety or depression has held you back.
Because it’s held me back, but I cut the rope and got back to where I belong.
New shirts are coming in! Also some OG logo shirts and 2 flags are being produced. Flag colors will consist of the traditional black/yellow/blue color-way. More Women’s pink tank tops are now available s-l. Pocket T’s with the logo on the back are arriving in white and black, and a new Daisy Yellow shirt is being launched alongside with a limited edition Fourth of July Stars and Stripes color-way logo shirt are coming in. Here is additional information and the pictures if the new color-way
1.25 Women’s Light Pink Tank Tops – 10 s, 10 M, 5 L
2. 10 Original Logo Shirts – 5 Large White (red black logo), 5 Large Black (yellow, blue logo)
3. 10 New color scheme – Yellow shirt, maxinout = teal, blackinout= black, N= gray; regarding the color way for logo)
4. 25 pocket T shirts: White and black pocket T’s with the Logo’s on the pocket: Ex. Black T with regular yellow/blue logo on it, white pocket t with red black logo color way) 10 M White and Black, 10 White and Black L, 3 xl, 2 xxl
5. 15 White Tee’s with the logo in an American flag stripes and stars color way filling in around the red lettering. 15 m 15 L
The world feels like a room full of razorblades and no matter where you move or walk, you’ll get cut
And thats what anxiety is like, the world is the room and we’re in the center with all the razor blades around us and we just are scared of life and moving forward because we are scared we are going to get cut and hurt or that we might even get so hurt where bleed out.
So we stay stagnant and sit in our spot not moving so that we don’t get cut by the razors, we don’t get hurt. But how can we feel anything if we don’t move? Finally, the fear of the blades and anxiety becomes too much, so we need to move.
But instead of making an incision in order to end it all, I realize that I cannot end it, so I realize I must fight the razors. I put my head down, and I move forward towards the door. Despite all the pain from the razors and anxiety, I move. And finally I think, I’ve made it out the door. I have plenty of scars and cuts and wounds. But here I am. Outside.
We all know what SAFTB is; it is BarStool’s representation for “Saturday’s is For The Boys,” which essentially created Saturday as another holiday as it now allows us an excuse to get obnoxiously fucked up at any time of the day on any given Saturday because, simply put, as BarStool said, Saturday is for the boys. Now I Take this aspect into full effect for my blackinout’ portion of my ideology. However, I still need to keep my gains while paying my weekly respect to my new favorite holiday.
So, here are some tip’s I have for your Saturday so you can keep your gains, but still celebrate the wonderful festivities of a rowdy SATFB day.
Friday: Don’t overdue it on your Friday nights. Take it easy, don’t drink as much so you won’t be too hungover for SATFB. Hydrate the night before and lift the night before so your body is ready to take on the endeavor of limitless amounts Natty Lights and Tiwsted Teas.
Saturday Preparation: Wake up and drink up to like 3-5 water bottles: (17 fluid oz), or have Gatorade of something of the likes. If you plan on lifting, wake up early and get your lift on quick and get that protein in and give yourself at least, Eh, forty five minutes to an hour, then you’re good to go! Thats what has worked for me and I have seen work for people
Sunday: If you are mobile, you know what to do. RECOVER.
“My life, What It’s Like, How to Treat Other’s with depression, and How to Handle it.”
Here is another mental health article. I am getting very personal with this one and opening up even more. For years since I was thirteen, I have been struggling with self-consciousness, bouts of depressive episodes and suicidal thoughts, anger issues, loneliness, and past bullying which affects me today along with constant rejection my whole life. I have been rejected simply because I was being myself, and who I was; and was not accepted. I’ve loathed myself forever, made constant mistakes, been diagnosed with the enzyme disorder that I have spoken about before. I lack a sufficient amount of the enzyme MTHFR in my brain, which is a catabolic protein/enzyme that breaks down the B Vitamin Folic Acid. When released in your brain, Folic Acid releases neurotransmitters like Dopamine and Serotonin from your brain; the chemicals that regulate your mood and happiness/sadness. I was unable to release the chemicals because the enzyme MTHFR could not break down and release the chemicals, therefore I experienced symptoms extremely similar to depression. This required me to take a blood test and urinalysis, which also revealed that I had Generalized Anxiety Order or GAD, alongside with Panic Attacks. I additionally am prescribed medication because I have anger issues and trouble focusing on school and keeping my mind focused on priorities; as I have a scrambled egg for a brain as my thoughts are constantly all over the place. I’ve lost family members. I struggle with losing the love for my passions sometimes. Friendships and Relationships with significant others and Family members all are stressful and are all existent twenty-four-seven, three-sixty-five. I have been through it all. Doctors help. But the true ones who can help the most; are people like me, because we understand it better than just the science. We, the veterans of loneliness and sadness, understand things better than the doctors, because doctors studied it. I am it.
So now that you know I’m not a pussy and aren’t lying about my many flaws, let me truthfully tell you about what experiencing immense depressive episodes are like (basically what depression is like, but that is not my technical diagnosis so I use appropriate terms as to not offend those actually diagnosed with MDD). And secondly, being “depressed,” just means you have been feeling very sad, so watch your syntax if you’re around a diagnosed individual; they may take offense. Being diagnosed means you have chemical imbalances in your brain causing the disorder and therefore you cannot control it.
TIME TO SEND IT
Depression
Its deep and dark and hungry and relentless. It’s a deep trench that God chose to dig for those whom are diagnosed. Maybe I deserved it, but ultimately, it is nobody’s fault, really. But depression, it’s not just being sad about something. It’s being sad about just; nothing. You’re fucking sad and alone, and you shouldn’t be, you know shouldn’t be. There is no reason for the pain we are experiencing but nevertheless, there it is; pain. You feel the depression. It’s excruciatingly difficult to feel pain for no reason. It’s like; there are so many other people in this world who have been through worse things than the depressed have been through; but they don’t feel this way. So, why do we? It’s not like we want to feel this way, or have a reason. And we especially don’t want to try and act as if our mundane lives are so much more painful than those of others who have gone through worse. But don’t feel bad for us, we, me, whatever. We, or at least I, don’t want fucking pity, I already fucking hate myself. I don’t want anyone else feeling bad for me. Those undiagnosed with a form of Depression can’t relate to the agony, or the tragedies that happened to me. It, Depressive Disorder, is not relatable to others because its due to chemical imbalances in our brains. We have this weight holding onto us, and this weight is not just on our shoulders, but on our entire fucking body. It is just dragging us down further and further making us feel as if we are so beneath everybody and everything; completing our feeling of worthlessness. We feel empty, lonely, angry, sad, confused, and guilty for being sad without reason. It is such a burden that is extremely misunderstood. Sometimes things feel so bad you just want to end it all, and I can’t tell you how many times I have come close to flatling myself. But I didn’t. Do you know what it is like, to shakily hold a knife up to your esophagus ready to end it all? But then you just can’t do it and throw the knife because you know you can’t, and all you have is tears, emptiness, and questions. But, what you still have too, is your life, and the ability to GET BETTER.
See, the thing is; there really is NO secret way to heal depression. Medication helps numb the pain until the pain adapts to the medication, which then causes the repetitive cycle of the medication never being enough or correct. You can talk to people, like your friends or family or a therapist like a psychologist or psychiatrist. But that just helps with temporary relief as you get things off your chest and gain support from friends. Now, regardless that the aid from medication and talking to people is temporary, I still suggest that one would do both as they are still steps that can help. But speaking from a personal level, I can tell you the one thing that I have been able to do that has made my depression manageable and made my life not so suicidal. These two other things, are love and laughter. These two feelings actually help me outweigh the depression sometimes. I battle my depression by making people feel loved, cared about, happy, and important. I drown out the cries of sadness with laughs of joy and drown depression using jokes and laughter and by spreading love. To me, being able to make other people happier, and possibly lessening their depression if they have some kind, through simplistic laughter, truly helps me feel better. It doesn’t completely take away the pain, however it certainly does the trick a lot better than the medications and is completely natural. Laughter and love do not come from a lab; they come from the human heart. They warm my soul and for a little while, the depression lowers. This is my suggestion to all who struggle with a diagnosis. Everybody should try to take their sadness and spur it into something greater and more powerful, and use that sadness to motivate us to create happiness. Spread love. Tell the people you love that you love them, compliment them just to make them smile, hug them to prove that you care, be there for them when they need you. Make somebody laugh instead of seeing them crying. Spread love throughout the world and some love will be returned back towards you, and that love is genuine and not fake. This true love I receive from people who I care about genuinely helps lower the depression. Laughter, being funny, and making jokes also help me escape the depression. Life is so tough, and to be able to make laughter out of misery is simply amazing. I am so thankful for jokes. To wrap it up, as Neal Brennan said in his latest Netflix standup comedy special “3 Mics,”; “You know sometimes the world can feel like a room that’s filling up with water, and for me to be able to think of a joke is like an air bubble, like a psst, psst. Like I can take the oxygen I get into my lungs and it can carry me forward. Like things can be overwhelming, and scary, and hurtful, but thankfully, my brain can descramble things and form a joke. Like just for one second, things slow down, and I can win, like I can beat life. It’s the best. And its so personal, and something I’m so grateful for. Jokes.”
Life is hard and overwhelming, but use your pain to motivate yourself to form a joke or to spread laughter and love, allowing yourself to breathe just for one moment. And in that moment, as Neal describes in which I agree, we can win. We can beat depression and beat life, just for a few moments. This is how I am overcoming my depression. This has been what it’s like for me. And this has been my advice. I wish all of you the greatest of luck and support, because even if I don’t know you, I care. Stay strong everyone.
