Category Archives for "Mental Health / Motivation"

The Mental Health Blog #3: Fear & Anxiety

Here is the third blog on my mental health, where I shall update you on how I have been feeling emotionally and mentally. This is a fairly short article, but today I want to talk about fear-driven anxiety. Anxiety really spurs from the fear of something, for example potentially a large social gathering, because one may develop Social Anxiety. That’s what happens to me. Fear and Anxiety almost rule my life despite how hard I am fighting. Sometimes I am too anxious to get out of bed because I’m fearful of what the day may hold or bring, or I am fearful of waking up feeling the same way everyday; depressed. I am sometimes just too anxious to function. But I have to realize that it is really simply fear, and the only way to conquer that fear is to fight it. If you do not battle your demons, you will not win. The battle may be slow. Mine has been and still is. But there is light at the end of the tunnel and I believe that one day the anxiety will fade.

The Mental Health Blog #2: Losing Someone You Love & Grief

Here we go, the second blog. So, lately I have been struggling with loneliness and have been missing my deceased loved ones a lot. I have dealt with many losses in my life. I grew up without a Grandfather, only Grandmother’s. However, sadly, both my Grandmother’s passed away, as did my Uncle Gary. I lost a friend due to a chronic health condition, as well as two other friends; I am going to disclose how they passed for their family and for privacy purchases. My puppy was stolen back in Tampa, and recently, my two cats passed away. I had those cats for about 18 years. I got them when I was 7. They were my best friends and truly were emotional support animals for me when I look back at it. They weren’t stereotypical cats; they played fetch and went outside. It broke my heart so badly when they passed away. Unfortunately, I had dealt with grief and loss before. First comes the incredible depth of sadness and the waves of tears. Then comes the anger where you are just furious at the world for taking away someone or something that you love. Then comes grief and the mourning process, where we, or I at least, am constantly yet sadly reflecting on all the happy memories with my all loved ones, and how proud of me they might be of me, hoping that they are. I pray for them and pray to them asking for strength and I focus on all the good times I’d had with them. Now for me, that’s how loss works. But we must focus on the fact that they may be lost but are not gone, because they will always be with us. We must think of the good times and smile, because it’s what they would want. They would wish that we would have a good life and a happy one. So in my opinion, we must live our lives how they are; as we must not dwell in sorrow or in the past. We need to focus on the future and always keep our loved ones in the back of our heads and as long as you do that; you will never forget them. Our loved ones will give us the strength to keep moving forward and to keep bettering ourselves, and it is also up to us to make them proud. To all my lost loved ones, I love and miss you, and will see you again soon.

The Mental Health Blog #1: Self-Consciousness and Comparison’s

First and foremost let me explain what these blogs will consist of; although it is pretty obvious due to the title. I will be creating weekly to monthly blogs updating readers on my mental health and how it has been affecting me lately, as well as advice to others. Today’s first one is about Comparison; being too self-conscious and comparing yourself to others. Being self-conscious is very. hard in itself. I constantly compare myself to others lives, often to people who graduated college and have kids or are married/engaged and have all these business type jobs. I get down on myself because I think, “Why can’t I be like that?.” But at the end of the day when I analyze myself, although I’m different I realize now it’s good to be different, because being different can make us special. We are different, not less, and sometimes different begins to intrigue or almost intimidate people. Being different is special because we (people with mental illness) have different mindsets; and we can help recognize problems within others whom may seem “normal,” so that we can help them. Never compare yourself to anyone else, because we are all on our own paths and journey’s in life. Plus if you’re judgmental of others, you’re just an asshole. We are all perfect as ourselves and all are beautiful inside and out as God mad us because we are all human. So different or not, we are not less. In a certain sense, we are MORE.

National Mental Health Day

October 10th, is National Mental Health Day. Here is a piece of advice coming from someone who struggles with mental illness and struggled with addiction. To all of those whom may be suffering, just know that you are not alone, and that its okay to not be okay. It’s okay to cry, because we are all human, but you need to let emotions out. Compartmentalizing mental health or trauma only makes it tougher, so getting emotions out is key because it can take things off your chest and lessen the intrinsic pain. In a sense, talking about issues to friends, or professionals, can really help and is a relief because some Doctors can relate and know how to help. To anyone reading this or seeing this; Know that things do get better, you just gotta keep keeping on. Lastly, don’t get down about yourself because you’re a human being and that in itself makes you beautiful.

If you need help, I suggest you speak with a clinician, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I also suggest a blood test to determine mental health conditions so you know which medicine to take. If things are really bad; you can call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. OR you can talk to me, I’m here for everyone within the mental health world.

God Bless

– Tommy Roel

“Depression Fucking Sucks, Doesn’t It?: The Confessions and Addictions of a Walking Disaster,” is Finally completed and Available to Buy

“Depression fucking Sucks, Doesn’t It ? : The Confessions and Addictions of a Walking Disaster” is edited, copyrighted, finished, and published! It’s about 100 pages, and is ready to buy in various ways. It is now available on Amazon.com for $10.99 (Just type “Depression fucking sucks Tommy Roel” under the book section and it will pop up on Amazon. I also am selling books in person, and can mail them as well. I can email the book in a Microsoft Word document or print the pages via my printer and can sell simple paper copies at a discount. Payment methods include Credit or Debit Card or a gift card if using Amazon; otherwise If I ship a copy or distribute them on my own in person; in person purchases are $10 without taxes or shipping, and payment methods include: Cash, Check, Venmo, CashApp, Zelle, Apple Pay, PayPal, & Google Wallet/Google Pay. Thank you to everyone who helped me along the way, especially my Father and Susan C. I hope my book can be enjoyed and can also help people who may struggle with mental illness like I do. I hope that anyone who may read it, thank you!

Author: Tommy Roel

Edited by: Ronald Roel

Testimonial: Susan C. New York

Cover: Susan C. New York

My Book is Finished: Sneak Peak: Anxiety & Depression Vs. Stress & Sadness

The book is finally finished and available to purchase. Here is a sneak peak.

I finally finished my autobiographical memoir on my journey with mental health. I’m working on figuring how to publish it, so here is a sneak peak of part of it :

Anxiety versus Stress and Depression versus Sadness

First off, this is a sensitive topic, but it needs to be touched on. Depression, or Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is a mental health condition chemical imbalance in your brain where your brain doesn’t produce Serotonin, which is an essential chemical that helps stimulate the ability to feel happy or content. The medication that MDD is treated with Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors, which allows your brain to gain more serotonin. Now Major Depressive Disorder; this is a chemical and biological mental health disorder, whereas sadness, is not. When someone says, “I’m so depressed,” they really are just having a rough period of time or may be overwhelmed with sadness. That sadness will linger and eventually become a faint memory. Actual depression is when you experience long bouts of deep sadness and may feel worthless or like there is no point in living. Depression makes you feel alone, out of place, and makes it hard to even get out of bed. It makes it hard to do almost anything, even simple activities of daily living. It makes it hard to sleep at night because the sad thoughts relentlessly linger in your mind. Being depressed means you may have no confidence in oneself and lack confidence. I, for one, experience all of these things. So, when someone who has no mental illness says they’re “depressed,” it really just beans they’ve been having or are having bouts of heavy momentary sadness. The difference is Major Depressive Disorder doesn’t go away, and can affect you more long term. Honestly, it’s a little frustrating because people throw the word “depressed” around way too lightly.

The same goes for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. When someone says, “Oh my god I’m getting anxiety about this test,”; it really just means they’re temporarily and highly stressed out. Stress will eventually calm down. With GAD, you experience overwhelming anxiety about nothing for no reason all the damn time. Everything scares you, because anxiety is rooted from fear. Sometimes I’m scared to get out of bed or leave my house or go to an activity. Sometimes I get insane social anxiety in crowds, and I don’t like crowded places either. Anxiety is more like consistent, heavy, and intense long-term stress that doesn’t go away. The term “anxiety,” is thrown around too lightly, and in the mental health world, one may become offended by such, even though no harm was intended. So, for yourself and others it’s important to carefully and mindfully use the terms “anxiety” and “depression” less lightly. It would mean a lot to those whom suffer from these conditions. So, Depression is heavier and longer than sadness essentially, and anxiety is non-stop intense stress. There’s a difference dude!

3

“What It Feels like to be Depressed” – By Tommy Roel

“What It Feels Like to Be Depressed”

Jesus, man. Where Do I. start. Being depressed isn’t a feeling of a self-pity type or temporary sadness. It’s an inevitable mental health disorder, MDD (Major Depressive Disorder.) It’s like no matter what I do, have, or experience, I can’t anything appreciate because this disease strips me from almost all emotions. So many people struggle differently in life and I am blessed with a wonderful family; so, you’d assume I shouldn’t be sad. But it’s not what you have in life, it’s what your brain gives you; which sometimes ultimately determines how you feel. You can’t control your mental health. Though I appreciate everything and try to share as often as I can, or make people laugh, I never truly feel content or happy. I mean what even is happy, for Christ’s sake? I hide behind smiles for over ten years, go through rough patches, and now it’s the worst, I’m 24 and behind in my life. And People act as if I use depression as an excuse sometimes. Like no; I can’t leave bed on certain days, I cry my eyes out, I get suicidal, I don’t even leave my room. I punch holes in the walls and scream at the top of my lungs only to break down even more. It’s like I can’t even sleep because I mad that I have to wake up the next day feeling the same way. Depression isn’t a joke or a word to be thrown around loosely. This disease absolutely cripples me to the point where, not just frustration of waking up sad always; makes me witheverynight that I just wish I won’t wake up in the morning. I see psychiatrists, therapists, etc. They help, but not fully. That’s because, and I use this analogy a lot; If you fall in a hole, which in this case represents depressions, and someone pulls you out or helps pull you out partially, you didn’t learn how to climb out the hole yourself. You didn’t beat your depression. Though people like me need help, some demons only we can conquer. I know to fight, but it’s so hard because shit doesn’t seem to get better. I feel lower than all my peers. I’ve never been in love. I have no college degree. I’m lost, which makes me more depressed. You want to give up so bad because it’s so easy. I’ve been led on, cheated on, bullied, lied to, attacked, had my heart broken, have had to deal with endless mental health, former addiction issues crippling me in many ways. Yet, mistakenly, I began abused drugs to avoid pain, but they fade away; which, but my pain does not, as returns more viciously than ever. I get social paranoia, like people laugh at me, stare, or talk shit. I’d been taken advantage of financially, robbed… It’s kind of like you don’t know why you’re here. It’s like, “why does every day suck?” I don’t want pity, I want understanding. It sounds like complaints but I’m describing emotions, so do not feel bad for me please. But drugs are NEVER the answer which I can’t stress enough. That just makes everything so much worse.

There’s a dark hole inside of me that I can’t figure out what to fill it with, and I don’t even know how deep the pit is. And like I said about hole; I can only climb out myself. It’s like walking around without a heart, yet pretending it exists. I feel nothing, care about nothing, I’m just… never sure where I belong. I’ve given up on certain things in life. I discourage myself and hear voices in my head telling me how horrible I am and that I don’t belong anywhere and that I’m just a huge loser and dropout piece of shit. I don’t really have dreams, only nightmares, because I’m tired of some of them not coming true. I keep chasing them, but they are merely dreams, and may never turn to reality. I can’t accept anything good about myself. I don’t care about trying to be happy yet I do at the same time. It’s just every time I’m close, something happens causing depression. It’s like an inescapable bully except you’re bullying yourself, and being bullied by the world despite them being un-intentionally harmful; it’s just how depression feels. You feel left out, lonely, like no one likes you. One day, MAYBE, it can get better, but another terrible factor to depression is that you don’t know if it will. But regardless, life just hurts badly sometimes. But the thing is, we can’t let it break us. We keep fighting. We can’t stop, because if we don’t keep fighting, depression can engulf us. So, we need to stick our heads high, and not let it break us. We must fight our depression, and instead of letting it bring us down, we must use it as motivation, and the darkness we experience; we turn into light. The sadness we experience, we fight, and use the sadness motivate us to create something beautiful. It can, might, and maybe will take a long time, but we need to fight every second and take this darkness, and churn it and work to make it light again, and turn sadness into happiness, and depression, into beauty. Let this disease not cripple us, no matter how bad it is because what we have to do, is cripple the disease itself. Though it may be hard to see, life is beautiful when it can be, and it’s up to us to create that beauty and to never give in. I am depressed. But I am a fighter, and depression, go fuck yourself bro. I’m not going to let you win. I will. And I’m going to use my prior darkness, and sadness, to create something beautiful. Light said, the world can be dark, but we can provide light and channel pain to beauty. And never give up ever, and always understand you’re not alone. You got me. And It will be ok. Because we all have the strength to beat this. I believe it. One of my idol’s, Martin Luther King JR. said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”

I pray for everyone struggling, know you are not alone, and that we can beat this all, together.

• Your friend, Tommy