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The book is finally finished and available to purchase. Here is a sneak peak.
I finally finished my autobiographical memoir on my journey with mental health. I’m working on figuring how to publish it, so here is a sneak peak of part of it :
Anxiety versus Stress and Depression versus Sadness
First off, this is a sensitive topic, but it needs to be touched on. Depression, or Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) is a mental health condition chemical imbalance in your brain where your brain doesn’t produce Serotonin, which is an essential chemical that helps stimulate the ability to feel happy or content. The medication that MDD is treated with Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors, which allows your brain to gain more serotonin. Now Major Depressive Disorder; this is a chemical and biological mental health disorder, whereas sadness, is not. When someone says, “I’m so depressed,” they really are just having a rough period of time or may be overwhelmed with sadness. That sadness will linger and eventually become a faint memory. Actual depression is when you experience long bouts of deep sadness and may feel worthless or like there is no point in living. Depression makes you feel alone, out of place, and makes it hard to even get out of bed. It makes it hard to do almost anything, even simple activities of daily living. It makes it hard to sleep at night because the sad thoughts relentlessly linger in your mind. Being depressed means you may have no confidence in oneself and lack confidence. I, for one, experience all of these things. So, when someone who has no mental illness says they’re “depressed,” it really just beans they’ve been having or are having bouts of heavy momentary sadness. The difference is Major Depressive Disorder doesn’t go away, and can affect you more long term. Honestly, it’s a little frustrating because people throw the word “depressed” around way too lightly.
The same goes for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. When someone says, “Oh my god I’m getting anxiety about this test,”; it really just means they’re temporarily and highly stressed out. Stress will eventually calm down. With GAD, you experience overwhelming anxiety about nothing for no reason all the damn time. Everything scares you, because anxiety is rooted from fear. Sometimes I’m scared to get out of bed or leave my house or go to an activity. Sometimes I get insane social anxiety in crowds, and I don’t like crowded places either. Anxiety is more like consistent, heavy, and intense long-term stress that doesn’t go away. The term “anxiety,” is thrown around too lightly, and in the mental health world, one may become offended by such, even though no harm was intended. So, for yourself and others it’s important to carefully and mindfully use the terms “anxiety” and “depression” less lightly. It would mean a lot to those whom suffer from these conditions. So, Depression is heavier and longer than sadness essentially, and anxiety is non-stop intense stress. There’s a difference dude!
3
It is Mental Health Awareness Month, as many know, So I wanted to post something before the month was over.
This is called “Being Human,” written by Tommy Roel (myself).
This piece is dedicated to reminding everyone that they matter and that your existence as a human being makes you inherently beautiful and IMPORTANT no matter what anybody says or think. We are all human beings. It’s time we learn to love our imperfections as well.
Being Human
If you don’t like who I am then that’s all-good cause that’s your opinion, But i will absolutely never ever even fuckin think about changing myself for someone like you, because the best anyone can ever fuckin be, is themselves. No matter what you’ve always got you. Fuck what other dickheads think man. Never change yourself because no matter what you are, you’re a human being, just like everyone else, you’re yourself. And that’s all right
And after all you know, there’s one like you, you’re one of a kind and nobody else out there’s exactly like you, they may have the same name or eye color or skin tone but they will never be exactly you. That’s fucking important, so be the greatest you that you ever could be because there will never ever be anyone else like you again. But also remember that whatever you end up being, you’re going to be an alright one. Because just like me and everyone else. You’re human. you’re you. And that’s alright.
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Lunatic
People say I’m crazy, that I’m nuts. And you know what? They’re right. I’m crazy, I’m nuts, I’m a god damn fuckin lunatic. And i wouldn’t rather it be any other way. I would never want to be anything other than what i am because that would make me normal. And fuck that.
Perfection is a scheme, because perfection robs you of your ability to improve yourself. If you’re perfect there’s no room to get better. And I’m always trying to improve myself.
Time moves as we perceive it.
You don’t need to be book smart to understand human nature. All you need is a good heart and an odd curiosity that causes you to obtain a desire to better the world around you. That’s what will help. you understand things. That curiosity will help you understand life.
Kurt Cobain once said “They laugh at me because I’m different. I laugh at them because they are all the same.”
4) “What Is Love?” / “What It Feels Like To Lose Love.”
What’s Love? What exactly is it? We tell each other we love each other all the time. People fall in love; they engage in relationships in which they profess such love to each other. But this love, the love I have, is different than falling in love. This love, is a word in which we use to simply tell others that we care. Being in love with somebody is different than the love for caring for others. Love, see, love is being there for the people you care about when they most need it. Love is waking back up at three or four AM just to make sure your person whom you care about is okay. Love is doing anything for others no matter what it does to you. Love is making people feel happier, reminding them of their incredible personalities, features, and other aptitudes and characteristics. Love is making people you care about smile and laugh. Love is surprising someone with something by showing them how much you care through wonderful actions. Regular love is the simplistic way of showing other human beings how much we care about them. People say you cannot love somebody else if you do not love yourself, and I can say from first-hand experience, that that is simply not true. Because I love all for whom I care about. So much, that I have so little love left inside of me to love myself. I give and give and give all of my love away to ensure the happiness of others for whom I care about, and I do so, so often that I simply run out of the love inside of me as I have given it away to so many others. And they deserve such love, because everybody deserves to be happy. And I want to be the one to deliver such smiles and happiness. Though I may self-destruct from the absence of self-love, I will remain as strong as I can, because I view myself as a sacrificial human being, dedicating my life to helping others and making sure that they feel loved. It is extremely difficult to live with on a constant basis as not being able to love yourself is an extreme difficulty. However, when it is all said and done and the sun is set, I will be content knowing that I have helped others become happy, and ultimately, I have prevented some sadness in this dark, challenging world. The world is dark, and I am just trying to bring some light back into the lives of people who need it. That, to me, is what love is.
Next up, are other, non-previously personally written excerpts, many of which reflect upon my mental health, or mental health in general, and have been written to express certain motivational or personal views.
“What It Feels Like to Be Depressed”
Jesus, man. Where Do I. start. Being depressed isn’t a feeling of a self-pity type or temporary sadness. It’s an inevitable mental health disorder, MDD (Major Depressive Disorder.) It’s like no matter what I do, have, or experience, I can’t anything appreciate because this disease strips me from almost all emotions. So many people struggle differently in life and I am blessed with a wonderful family; so, you’d assume I shouldn’t be sad. But it’s not what you have in life, it’s what your brain gives you; which sometimes ultimately determines how you feel. You can’t control your mental health. Though I appreciate everything and try to share as often as I can, or make people laugh, I never truly feel content or happy. I mean what even is happy, for Christ’s sake? I hide behind smiles for over ten years, go through rough patches, and now it’s the worst, I’m 24 and behind in my life. And People act as if I use depression as an excuse sometimes. Like no; I can’t leave bed on certain days, I cry my eyes out, I get suicidal, I don’t even leave my room. I punch holes in the walls and scream at the top of my lungs only to break down even more. It’s like I can’t even sleep because I mad that I have to wake up the next day feeling the same way. Depression isn’t a joke or a word to be thrown around loosely. This disease absolutely cripples me to the point where, not just frustration of waking up sad always; makes me witheverynight that I just wish I won’t wake up in the morning. I see psychiatrists, therapists, etc. They help, but not fully. That’s because, and I use this analogy a lot; If you fall in a hole, which in this case represents depressions, and someone pulls you out or helps pull you out partially, you didn’t learn how to climb out the hole yourself. You didn’t beat your depression. Though people like me need help, some demons only we can conquer. I know to fight, but it’s so hard because shit doesn’t seem to get better. I feel lower than all my peers. I’ve never been in love. I have no college degree. I’m lost, which makes me more depressed. You want to give up so bad because it’s so easy. I’ve been led on, cheated on, bullied, lied to, attacked, had my heart broken, have had to deal with endless mental health, former addiction issues crippling me in many ways. Yet, mistakenly, I began abused drugs to avoid pain, but they fade away; which, but my pain does not, as returns more viciously than ever. I get social paranoia, like people laugh at me, stare, or talk shit. I’d been taken advantage of financially, robbed… It’s kind of like you don’t know why you’re here. It’s like, “why does every day suck?” I don’t want pity, I want understanding. It sounds like complaints but I’m describing emotions, so do not feel bad for me please. But drugs are NEVER the answer which I can’t stress enough. That just makes everything so much worse.
There’s a dark hole inside of me that I can’t figure out what to fill it with, and I don’t even know how deep the pit is. And like I said about hole; I can only climb out myself. It’s like walking around without a heart, yet pretending it exists. I feel nothing, care about nothing, I’m just… never sure where I belong. I’ve given up on certain things in life. I discourage myself and hear voices in my head telling me how horrible I am and that I don’t belong anywhere and that I’m just a huge loser and dropout piece of shit. I don’t really have dreams, only nightmares, because I’m tired of some of them not coming true. I keep chasing them, but they are merely dreams, and may never turn to reality. I can’t accept anything good about myself. I don’t care about trying to be happy yet I do at the same time. It’s just every time I’m close, something happens causing depression. It’s like an inescapable bully except you’re bullying yourself, and being bullied by the world despite them being un-intentionally harmful; it’s just how depression feels. You feel left out, lonely, like no one likes you. One day, MAYBE, it can get better, but another terrible factor to depression is that you don’t know if it will. But regardless, life just hurts badly sometimes. But the thing is, we can’t let it break us. We keep fighting. We can’t stop, because if we don’t keep fighting, depression can engulf us. So, we need to stick our heads high, and not let it break us. We must fight our depression, and instead of letting it bring us down, we must use it as motivation, and the darkness we experience; we turn into light. The sadness we experience, we fight, and use the sadness motivate us to create something beautiful. It can, might, and maybe will take a long time, but we need to fight every second and take this darkness, and churn it and work to make it light again, and turn sadness into happiness, and depression, into beauty. Let this disease not cripple us, no matter how bad it is because what we have to do, is cripple the disease itself. Though it may be hard to see, life is beautiful when it can be, and it’s up to us to create that beauty and to never give in. I am depressed. But I am a fighter, and depression, go fuck yourself bro. I’m not going to let you win. I will. And I’m going to use my prior darkness, and sadness, to create something beautiful. Light said, the world can be dark, but we can provide light and channel pain to beauty. And never give up ever, and always understand you’re not alone. You got me. And It will be ok. Because we all have the strength to beat this. I believe it. One of my idol’s, Martin Luther King JR. said “Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.”
I pray for everyone struggling, know you are not alone, and that we can beat this all, together.
What’s Love? What exactly is it? We tell each other we love each other all the time. People fall in love; they engage in relationships in which they profess such love to each other. But this love, the love I have, is different than falling in love. This love, is a word in which we use to simply tell others that we care. Being in love with somebody is different than the love for caring for others. Love, see, love is being there for the people you care about when they most need it. Love is waking back up at three or four AM just to make sure your person whom you care about is okay. Love is doing anything for others no matter what it does to you. Love is making people feel happier, reminding them of their incredible personalities, features, and other aptitudes and characteristics. Love is making people you care about smile and laugh. Love is surprising someone with something by showing them how much you care through wonderful actions. Regular love is the simplistic way of showing other human beings how much we care about them. People say you cannot love somebody else if you do not love yourself, and I can say from first-hand experience, that that is simply not true. Because I love all for whom I care about. So much, that I have so little love left inside of me to love myself. I give and give and give all of my love away to ensure the happiness of others for whom I care about, and I do so, so often that I simply run out of the love inside of me as I have given it away to so many others. And they deserve such love, because everybody deserves to be happy. And I want to be the one to deliver such smiles and happiness. Though I may self-destruct from the absence of self-love, I will remain as strong as I can, because I view myself as a sacrificial human being, dedicating my life to helping others and making sure that they feel loved. It is extremely difficult to live with on a constant basis as not being able to love yourself is an extreme difficulty. However, when it is all said and done and the sun is set, I will be content knowing that I have helped others become happy, and ultimately, I have prevented some sadness in this dark, challenging world. The world is dark, and I am just trying to bring some light back into the lives of people who need it. That, to me, is what love is.
I am diagnosed with Shin Splints and Osgood Shclatters (its where the ligament frequently unattached from itself during running; the ligament gets pulled apart). I have random wrist issues too. My whole life I played sports. From T-ball and Soccer Leagues or Practices on side as a child, to playing basketball, baseball, and lacrosse from 5th-9th Grade, for the exception of basketball which I played from fifth grade to 12th grade; four years in high school (2 years J.V, 2 years Varsity) I was ran cross country for two seasons, one of which I took seriously. I played Lacrosse (defense) in 6th and 9th grade. I even ultimate frisky for a season (few months for fun at school); I boxed, did Karate, and MMA on the Side. I’ve gotten into street fights, not going to lie. I bodybuilded heavily until I began to powerlifting heavily, then I integrated strongman and olympic weightlifting movements. All the running, the Jumping, jump roping and insane amount of lifting (especially heavy Squats and leg exercises, with jumping for working out too( combined with my diagnosed Osgood Shlatters and shin splints really damages and injures my wrists and knees a ton. But I’m working my way back. I decided to create a list of supplements to show you guys supplements, ointments, compression, and advice on joint paint, etc.
List of Suggested Knee Compression: I Suggest casually using knee compression via compression underwear or using the thin knee sleeves CopperFit for casual relaxing compression. For Lifting, I Suggest SBD, or STRong Sloves. Rehband’s are great as well. I like to wear the CopperFit’s under even.
Creams and Ointments, Hemp, Tools, Advice; I also Suggest frequently using Tiger Baum (menthol feeling; cooling pain), Arnica (Pain reduction, joint aid), Aloe (For Dry Skin), Keratin (stronger/healthier skin and skin composure), CBD Joint Muscle Cream (hundreds of studies proving its healing benefits). CBD tinctures are the seemingly most helpful. T-relief is a good brand for Arnica and Aloe cream, by the way. (Smoking Hemp/CBD can be helpful too if you are a smoker, just saying). I suggest taking hot and cold showers before and after you workout (cold first is my personal go to), take heating pads and heat them up; apply them to your knees and low back for muscle relaxation. For pain, ice muscles and injuries or take Ice baths. the Spirit Tiger Tail, Theracane, and various foam rollers of different sizes and types are also helpful tools to dig deep into muscle fascia, and knots. Sports Massages or regular massage therapists, or a clinic, physical therapists, athletic trainers, and chiropractors are all very helpful professionals too. I enjoy Ice Baths too. Even hitting the Steam Room and Sauna can help. Also Stretch Every Day and work on your posture!
List of Suggested Supplements; Their Effects;
The strengthened muscle and bones/joints/ligaments/skin cannot be as flexible since the muscles are not large enough to produce enough force to rotate your bones around specific axis’ in your body, (top athlete level, obviously all humans have muscle); flexibility in your bones joints ligaments, can be affected by muscle mass due to tightness if one lacks flexibility, as well.
These are all things that have affected and helped my joint pains.
